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The darker side of astrology

A brief synopsis of the elements in Star Signs, followed by each individual Star Sign. Traditional descriptions can be thrown out of the window!

EARTH SIGNS – TAURUS – VIRGO – CAPRICORN

Earth represents all that is of value, money, precious metals and gems, property and ownership etc. The Earth Signs are money grabbing, calculating and critical. They need material wealth, and will do almost anything to acquire it. They love to criticize others and never see fault in themselves….

AIR SIGNS – GEMINI – LIBRA – AQUARIUS

Air Signs are the procrastinators of the Signs. They are unable to stick with one idea, constantly changing their opinions and ideas, so never really getting anything done. These Air-heads are fickle and too changeable, for most mortal souls. They pretend to be intellectual, yet are merely control freaks.

FIRE SIGNS – ARIES – LEO – SAGITTARIUS

As Fire is obviously connected to the Sun, these signs truly believe that the world revolves around them. They pursue life with force, intimidating all that gets in their way. Self-centered and obnoxious, these signs rule the universe…..

WATER SIGNS – CANCER – SCORPIO – PISCES

Here we experience the wet, drippy people! Manipulative and moody, they will attempt to achieve their own emotional gratification through blackmail. These are the ‘luvvy-dovey’ sick buckets of the Signs. Avoid the tidal waves and the drips at all costs.

THE INDIVIDUAL SIGNS

ARIES – The head-butting Butt-Heads. These are the juveniles of the star signs, the temper tantrum kids. Treat them like a two year old, who constantly wants his/her own way. Use reverse psychology, lavish with attention and praise only if you want to win an Aries, but always remember their motor-mouth will always find trouble for them. If your conversation does not include “I” or “me”, then don’t expect the Aries to listen. They are arrogant like no other, scorn on others’ advice, and their way is the only way!

TAURUS – The raging Bull that’s full of Bull! These are the ‘gluts’ of the star signs. They pretend to be experts with lavish tastes, but are really greedy in every sense of the word. The Taurean is opinionated and will not change that belief, nor will they change their ways. This is the stubborn miser with a weight problem. To win a Taurean over, it’s simple – feed them, stroke them behind the ears (watching for their horn), and beware their need for possessions, sex, luxury and, of course, more food!

GEMINI – The double star sign, double the trouble and double standards! The teenager who demands freedom from parental control and structure. When in company, make sure that you aren’t being used as entertainment for the restless Gemini. To win a Gemini over, never discuss the ‘big stuff’, but allow them to tell you all about their day, from a number of different perspectives. Treat them without reverence, and avoid making them anxious. The key to remember with the Twin star sign, is ‘rest – less’!

CANCER – The crabby moody buggers! Emotional manipulators and creators of the ‘Victim Syndrome’. Described as home-loving and domestic, but really too frightened to go too far from home. Sensitive, supportive and caring? Closer to boring, with no life, so has to be nosey and get involved with the lives of others. Be aware that when Cancer scuttles off, grabbing everything that they own, they are not defeated! They merely plot and plan for their return, and your demise. Possessive, touchy and dangerous when in emotional turmoil!

LEO – The obnoxious and attention grabbing tyrants! These Jungle Rulers can be loud, brash and in your face; or quiet, dignified and smart. However, do not be fooled into thinking that they are shy or frightened of anything. If you attempt to win a Leo over, tread carefully, they bite as well as roar. Flatter them, and agree with everything that they say, become a ‘hanger on’, and you will be with them until you can stand them no longer. They will always take top position at a table, be the centre of attention, and be the loudest in the room, until the time comes to pay a bill. Always allow them to hold court in a regal way, and never disagree with them, unless you want to be banished from the presence.

VIRGO – Apparently the sign of the ‘virgin’! More like a fortress! They are supposed to be the rational and analytical star sign of the zodiac, but a more accurate description would be obsessive, unemotional, critical and in dire need of therapy. If you want to win a Virgo over, you need to blast down their walls, and then deal with the number crunching machine that waits wallowing in isolation. You will need to fit in with their little intellectual compartments, all neat and tidy, and in company – always be the even number! If you are striving for perfection, then this is the sign to have around as a friend, they are constantly nit-picking others, as a mask to hide the failure of living up to their own standards.

LIBRA – Here we find the eternal diplomat – or more accurately the professional ‘yes-person’. Whilst trying to appear balanced and intellectual, they display no real independent thought, but will happily go along with the status quo, however bad things are. This amusing, charismatic and charming star sign is vain, illogical and a ditherer. To win them over, flatter them, show nothing but impeccable manners, and never ever force them into making a decision for themselves. If they can yank themselves away from the mirror long enough, you will find a thought thief, who steals ideas from everyone else, as they are incapable of original thought.

SCORPIO – The deep, passionate, sexual star sign is nothing more than a revengeful, self-sabotaging, cruel child – who hides these traits as an adult! This sign is known to be the emotional (psychic) vampire; draining anyone who crosses their path. If you interact with one, make sure that your armor is sturdy, and do not be surprised if they just spit your bones out! This sign is described as sexual and deep, but truth be told they are frightened to death of true intimacy and emotional commitment. To win one over, never repeat what they say or mimic them, rather, listen attentively, and never judge.

SAGITTARIUS – The Archer or Hunter of the star signs. More like a sexual predator – constantly on the move, running away from responsibility, with a devil-may-care attitude! They are dreamers and fantasists, believing that their special artistic talent (huh) will make them famous some day! The other face that they like to project is the ‘eternal student’, always looking for knowledge. Do not be taken in by their false philosophies or ‘spiritual’ awareness, it’s just their way of avoiding reality and self truths. To win one over, although I ask myself ‘why bother’, remain spontaneous and always have an overnight bag of goodies available. Remember that this star sign needs change like others need security.

CAPRICORN – Here we come across the Mr Spock of the star signs! Never taking a risk or gamble, never showing their truest emotions (if they possess any), constantly social climbing and domineering all that lies in their path. They want to have the highest balcony so they can spit on the poorer, less ambitious people below. They are born into a serious world, live in a serious world and die in a serious world. Unfortunately, this world exists in another era! Old-fashioned, stuck in a time-warp, and anyone trying to drag them into the present century will have their work cut out. To win one over – give them money and speak purely from logic.

AQUARIUS – Humanitarian and independent – I think not? Alien, out of touch, and so emotionally detached, I’m surprised that they have any friends. If you want to keep one as a pet, devote yourself to them, serve them as a master/mistress, obey their every whim – and you will make one very happy. Never, ever try to comprehend what goes on in their mind, as they are still trying to figure it out too. It’s easy for this radical sign to find excuses not to do something and almost impossible for them to find a reason to do it! These are the signs that you see in social gatherings who have cornered some poor innocent, spouting inane/insane ideologies, and generally frightening a soon to be victim.

PISCES – The caring, sensitive, imaginative Fishes! Challenged with the shared reality of the world, they escape into delusional states, projecting their helplessness for all and sundry to deal with. They love to involve themselves in a drama, as they think that they are good actors; this is an avoidance tactic, as without it people would see how shallow and insubstantial they really are. They need others to think of them as deep and profound! To win one over, give them a paint brush, some musical instrument, and a collection of crystals, and then leave them alone. They will soon run to you with a crisis!

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